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#1
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About radiation, frivolity reigns
As of today, I have not received the expected adoration nor the
thousands of apologies that are due. Therefore, as promised and true to certain tradition propounded by a certain poster, I re-present my second posting upon this very serious question. I wish you all a happy new year and a negative on to... well, you know. ;*) 1) 120 or 220 negative rollfilm is the only medium at all useable if one wants quality results. Anything else is inferior - 4 x 5 suffers terribly from film flatness problems especially if the photographer is in a windy situation or has his own flatulence problem, whilst 35mm, as even the most backward amateur snapper can see, is full of holes. 2) The zone system as I interpret it (successfully) actually protects me and my equipment. Zone I is my favourite, as I know I will be safe and my views will be clear, so I take my more expensive cameras with me. Zone III is something of a grey area - one must be careful because some dark character could jump out of nowhere and turn out to be a vandal or a thief. Zone V is an extremely difficult area to work in - one requires a thick lead-lined bag for *both* your sets of equipment due to the radiation risk (e.g. Chernobyl). 3) When working in the field, always beware of large flying objects (even eagles) since it is quite clearly possible, probable even, that particulate excreta may be ejected and due to the gravity acting upon it this will accelerate, always in a downward direction, the danger being contamination of your environment. *ALWAYS* use the MAXIMUM aperture setting possible, both to reduce the depth of field you are exposed to and to avoid bringing such ejected matter into focus. 3) There is only one black-and-white film worth knowing about. All others are too contrasty or too low in speed. The only film one should consider utilising for black-and-white work is Kodak Professional BW400CN film, now that their Portra 400BW is no longer produced. It uses the superior C-41 process and renders all other monochrome films obsolete, and in addition it is far more scratch-resistant. 4) Regarding developers, well, there is of course a wide choice. However for superior results it has to be Kodak Flexicolor SM[tm]. Some workers however feel that Kodak C-41B developer, with its few wash steps, also delivers acceptable results. Neither of these developers require changes in concentration or development time or temperature to effect good results. As I said, there is a wide choice. 5) Always be prepared to discard others' beliefs. With the exception of my own, which I have developed from many years of experience before fixing them in my head, there simply are no other valid beliefs. I have known many people and I have discussed much of my knowledge and experience with them, but in all those years, even in areas outside my direct area of expertise, I have absolutely *never* been told that I was wrong, only that I am always right. The Colt .45 showing out of my open hip-holster had nothing to do with it. And you cannot prove it. Because I KNOW you cannot prove it. 6) Always be prepared to reject others' beliefs. With the exception of my own, which I have developed after many years of experience before fixing them in my head, there simply are no other sane beliefs. I have known many people and I have discussed some of my knowledge and experience with them, but in all those decades, even in areas outside my small area of expertise, I have absolutely *never* been told that I was wrong, only that I am always right. The Colt .45 showing out of my open hip-holster had nothing to do with it. And you cannot prove it. Because I KNOW you cannot prove it. I repeat this verbatim so that those of you who are a little slow on reading have a second chance to read it and catch up. 7) Be prepared to criticize and scorn those unwilling to subject their own inconsequential beliefs to my particular scrutiny. Join in and help me tell everybody how stupid they actually are and how we can best stop them ever doing any photography again. The un-knowledgeable should not be permitted to take photographs in any case. Nothing should be owned or used by those without expert and professional knowledge regarding its inner workings. These idiots *must* be exposed so that society can be protected and purified of their comments. 8) Please note that this posting makes no reference to that unmentionable film developer r0d1nal. Never mention that particular name in the context of photography, for it is heresy, akin to speaking of the Scottish Play by its actual name whilst on stage or even in the wings. To do so will result in large amounts of eagle ejecta plunging from the sky. 9) In summary, I know that everything above is a true and accurate representation of the highest level of knowledge that is possible to attain using the human mind. It is not the sort of drivel and stupidity which everybody else in this newsgroup writes (and I hope that is taken most offensively) because I alone have more knowledge than all of you put together, and I know I am right. 10) If I do not see that you are all observing my comments and views I shall re-post this to the newsgroup in addition to mailing it to anyone writing anything contradicting my statements. I am the best photographer in the world, the only reason that some of you will not have seen my excellent work is that a lot of it is classified and the rest is keeping me so busy that I hardly ever have time to write to this newsgroup. Obey! - F.C. Trevor Gale. |
#2
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About radiation, frivolity reigns
It's not funny enough.
Try again. F.C. Trevor Gale wrote: As of today, I have not received the expected adoration nor the thousands of apologies that are due. Therefore, as promised and true to certain tradition propounded by a certain poster, I re-present my second posting upon this very serious question. I wish you all a happy new year and a negative on to... well, you know. ;*) 1) 120 or 220 negative rollfilm is the only medium at all useable if one wants quality results. Anything else is inferior - 4 x 5 suffers terribly from film flatness problems especially if the photographer is in a windy situation or has his own flatulence problem, whilst 35mm, as even the most backward amateur snapper can see, is full of holes. 2) The zone system as I interpret it (successfully) actually protects me and my equipment. Zone I is my favourite, as I know I will be safe and my views will be clear, so I take my more expensive cameras with me. Zone III is something of a grey area - one must be careful because some dark character could jump out of nowhere and turn out to be a vandal or a thief. Zone V is an extremely difficult area to work in - one requires a thick lead-lined bag for *both* your sets of equipment due to the radiation risk (e.g. Chernobyl). 3) When working in the field, always beware of large flying objects (even eagles) since it is quite clearly possible, probable even, that particulate excreta may be ejected and due to the gravity acting upon it this will accelerate, always in a downward direction, the danger being contamination of your environment. *ALWAYS* use the MAXIMUM aperture setting possible, both to reduce the depth of field you are exposed to and to avoid bringing such ejected matter into focus. 3) There is only one black-and-white film worth knowing about. All others are too contrasty or too low in speed. The only film one should consider utilising for black-and-white work is Kodak Professional BW400CN film, now that their Portra 400BW is no longer produced. It uses the superior C-41 process and renders all other monochrome films obsolete, and in addition it is far more scratch-resistant. 4) Regarding developers, well, there is of course a wide choice. However for superior results it has to be Kodak Flexicolor SM[tm]. Some workers however feel that Kodak C-41B developer, with its few wash steps, also delivers acceptable results. Neither of these developers require changes in concentration or development time or temperature to effect good results. As I said, there is a wide choice. 5) Always be prepared to discard others' beliefs. With the exception of my own, which I have developed from many years of experience before fixing them in my head, there simply are no other valid beliefs. I have known many people and I have discussed much of my knowledge and experience with them, but in all those years, even in areas outside my direct area of expertise, I have absolutely *never* been told that I was wrong, only that I am always right. The Colt .45 showing out of my open hip-holster had nothing to do with it. And you cannot prove it. Because I KNOW you cannot prove it. 6) Always be prepared to reject others' beliefs. With the exception of my own, which I have developed after many years of experience before fixing them in my head, there simply are no other sane beliefs. I have known many people and I have discussed some of my knowledge and experience with them, but in all those decades, even in areas outside my small area of expertise, I have absolutely *never* been told that I was wrong, only that I am always right. The Colt .45 showing out of my open hip-holster had nothing to do with it. And you cannot prove it. Because I KNOW you cannot prove it. I repeat this verbatim so that those of you who are a little slow on reading have a second chance to read it and catch up. 7) Be prepared to criticize and scorn those unwilling to subject their own inconsequential beliefs to my particular scrutiny. Join in and help me tell everybody how stupid they actually are and how we can best stop them ever doing any photography again. The un-knowledgeable should not be permitted to take photographs in any case. Nothing should be owned or used by those without expert and professional knowledge regarding its inner workings. These idiots *must* be exposed so that society can be protected and purified of their comments. 8) Please note that this posting makes no reference to that unmentionable film developer r0d1nal. Never mention that particular name in the context of photography, for it is heresy, akin to speaking of the Scottish Play by its actual name whilst on stage or even in the wings. To do so will result in large amounts of eagle ejecta plunging from the sky. 9) In summary, I know that everything above is a true and accurate representation of the highest level of knowledge that is possible to attain using the human mind. It is not the sort of drivel and stupidity which everybody else in this newsgroup writes (and I hope that is taken most offensively) because I alone have more knowledge than all of you put together, and I know I am right. 10) If I do not see that you are all observing my comments and views I shall re-post this to the newsgroup in addition to mailing it to anyone writing anything contradicting my statements. I am the best photographer in the world, the only reason that some of you will not have seen my excellent work is that a lot of it is classified and the rest is keeping me so busy that I hardly ever have time to write to this newsgroup. Obey! - F.C. Trevor Gale. |
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